I Have It All Figured Out (And You Can, Too!)

Reasons I know I have it (life) all figured out and I'm the last living, sane, human (on Earth):

• I know what I want to do with my life (I still have to do most of it as I haven't died yet).

• I constantly realize everyone else is a stupid idiot. Especially while I'm driving.

• I follow my head rather than my heart.

• I know what other people should do to stop being stupid (obviously). I'd make a great world dominator. 

• I laugh more than most people.

• I drink water (most people drink soda... or coffee). 

• I don't even need coffee.

• I actually enjoy life most of the time. I think that's a plus. 

• I don't really care what other's think. That doesn't really matter.

• I thrive while most people stress. Not because most people stress, but just because I'm good with stress.

• I like adulting, though I hate the word.

• I wouldn't move to another planet if it were an option. I'm satisfied with the world God gave me. Though I think He's OK with the changes I want to make... 

• I like business and could run one successfully since I understand money's #1 purpose is to be spent. 

• Everyone constantly tells me, "Keturah, you really have your life together."

• I constantly tell everyone, "I have my life figured out."

• I see and I know.

• I know and I do.

• I think as I do and I never regret.

• Regret is a waste of time. 

• I would make a good world-wide Queen. 

• I understand idiots. I do not pity them. 

• I love to laugh. And to smile.

• I am happy with most of my selfies. I don't worry about the selfies I'm not happy with.

• Anxiety is for other people.

• I don't need a lot of clothes to be happy.

• I do need a lot of books, though.

• Food is a necessary evil I try to do without. 85% chocolate is my luxury.

• Life is ideas. Ideas are life. 

• Have the right ideas are you won't be an idiot.

• Most people have the wrong ideas. Thus the #stupidIdiot movement is prolonged. 

• Most necessities are a matter of cultural expectations. I need next to nothing. 

• I don't like fast food because I chose to believe that.

• I believe something and then I like/ hate according to that belief. This applies with my religion, work, food, and friends.

• I love work. #workaholic. 

• I am confident.

• I am content.

• I choose to continue being confident and content.

• Depression sneaks up on the best of us, but I choose to run away every time as we don't get a long too well.

• I sleep at night.

• I live in the daytime.

• I rarely dream when I sleep. If I do and they threaten to turn bad I wake up and rewrite my dream. I've never had a nightmare because I don't allow horror in my rewrites. 

• I'm aware that most of the world doesn't understand me and I don't care.

• I've experienced a lot, traveled a ton, know many people, attended various denominations. I strongly believe this experience has shaped my path to figuring out life. But I'm also certain I was just born smart.

• If I'm wrong on any of these points (which I strongly doubt) I'm still confident I have life figured out. That confidence is really all I need.

And what of you? Do you have life figured out? If so please share, so that those who don't may learn from both of us! 

Note: this is another of my satire posts. So, please share... and laugh!