Normal

Was 2019 a good year? 

It had its awful moments. 

Was it a spectacular year? 

It definitely had some amazing memories. 

And yet, I find myself looking back over this last year, asking myself, how well did I live 2019? 

Was it perfect, or a waste of my life? Or something in between? 

There were many times where I thought I'd for sure lose several different friends. There were several times where I just about decided to move out on my own. There were times where I had decided that. There were times I loved America, and times I wanted to go to some other country. There were times that I loved Germany, and times that I missed America so much. 

I saw old friends.

I made new friends. 

There were times where I thought I knew my future. 

And then something happened to change it and I thought, "Oh, no. That is my future."

And then something else happened to change it altogether so that I was back to a blank page. 

There were times where everything was perfect, yet I felt as if something were missing inside of me. 

There were times where everything was just plain awful, and yet my soul felt wonderfully at peace.

The many moments that makeup now have stood by me this last year. My Calendar Journaling has become a steadfast habit of my life now, and I've even convinced others to do it with me. Some days I know exactly what to write. Some days I don't know which blessing to record. Other days I have to think for a long time, to remember or find at least some glimmer of light that made that day worth waking up for. And then some days, I accidentally wrote on the wrong square. Oops. 

2019 wasn't what some would call perfect, because it was full of stress, fears, hatred. But 2019 was a good year for me. 

Me speaking to a little girl: Are you excited that your friend is coming over? 

Little girl: No. 

Me: Why?

Little girl: It is normal.

Me: And normal isn't good? 

Little girl: Normal isn't exciting. 

Me: But that's sad. Normal should be exciting. And if it isn't, all you have to do is choose it to be so. 

Me: Our timing is perfect, not too late, not too early. 

Little girl: Nothing is perfect. 

Me: How can that be? If nothing is perfect, then we wouldn't have a word for perfect. 

Little girl: *shrugs* 

Me: What do you think is perfect then?

Little girl: Nothing. 

Me: Then why do we have the word?

Little girl: It's like black and white. We call them colors, but they aren't actually colors. 

Me: But they exist. They are still real, despite what we call them, yes?

Little girl: Yes ... 

Me: And so perfect exists in just the same way. 

Little girl: It's impossible though. Because perfect means everything everywhere is exactly perfect. And that can't be. So nothing can be perfect. 

Me: Perfect things aren't ruined by imperfect things. Look at my shoes. See my shoe strings? I can have them tied just right. Perfectly. And all the while my soles can be falling out. Yet, though my shoes are falling apart, it doesn't take away that my shoe strings are tied correctly, does it? 

Little girl: *shrugs*

Me: And so, though the rest of the world may be falling apart, right now our timing is perfect. 

What saddens me the most about those previous conversations is that a child could have such a bleak outlook on life. 

That every day isn't a joy to live, that a moment can't be full in and of itself. 

It saddens me that she'll grow up never knowing what it is to fully love her life because she believes in order to love life she has to have something more, new, or different. And even then, nothing can ever be perfect. 

2019, to me, was perfect. Not despite the trials I had, but because of the many things that excited me. Because of going to a writer's conference with one of my best friends. Because of the blessing of waking up ten minutes earlier and writing that amazing scene. Because of going to that social event and meeting an amazing new friend. Because of my uncle coming to Germany and spending time with me. Because my friend let me call her at 1am her time ... crazy oversea time differences ;) Because I loved my work, and loved trying out new churches, and hiked almost every weekend, and listened to so many audiobooks and podcasts. Because, even when nothing was going on, I was content alone with my thoughts. 

Because I found I didn't need any real reason to smile. 

2019 was perfect because I finally learned to embrace now and love it more than what if. 

Stats:

I have twenty-two more blog followers than last year. I was really hoping to reach 100. But, I'm happy to have more, so shan't complain. But all you people who've topped 100, if you have tips for me and my blog, please let me know in the comments or email section ;) 

I also have about twenty-nine more email subscribers than last year. And I had 54,6457 views last year. Overall not, too bad. 

I also started my new blog, The Girl Who Doesn't Exist. It's been running since August and has fifty-five actual subscribers and almost 4,000 views. 

My posts with the most views are:

Fairy Tail Riot Mini-Reviews 389 views

KISSING and The Fading Art of How To Research 381 views

The Right To Wish, Play and Make Money 314 views

Do You Reply to Titles or Content? 294 views

Trump's Great Wall of Controversy 278 views

My posts with the least amount of views are usually those that tags or my Susan of Narnia serial (super sad, y'all!) gathering between 73 - 110 views or so. 

My posts with the most comments are:

The Colors Of My Life 55 comments 

All The Ways To /NOT/ Spell My Name 44 comments 

I think this is the first year where every one of my posts had at least four, if not eight comments on average. Previous years I was happy to get just one comment. Not saying, I'm still not grateful for every comment. I am beyond excited whenever I have interaction with you all. I don't like just posting stuff for myself. Bloggers really do love the community (at least I do). So, keep on commenting and make my day over and over. This is what I call a good normal. 

Favorite posts: 

How do you pick a favorite when you wrote over seventy-five posts and loved them all???

But, here are a few to sum up my 2019 blog. 

My Quilt: A Year of Spare Moments Stitched Together because so much of this represents so much of my life of where I've been, and then it's been there to give my hands something to do as my mind processed where I am now and where I'm going. 

"They say I've lost my mind—Scary thing is, I'm starting to believe them" because I loved this flash fiction, and I also loved these monthly updates I did over the spring and summer. And I can't wait to return to them when I'm back in the States! 

How My Polls Accelerated because this is a perfect example of how my crazy thoughts aren't always enough for just my brain ... I have to see how other brains react to them, too! Polls are just so fun, to be honest. 

I love how I have a place to share satire like my Poison Ivy Essential Oil (though I'm surprised more people didn't buy it, haha) and my weird fashion loves. I love how this blog is a perfect place to share my philosophical journeying, and yet morphed easily into my traveling posts. 

I love most of all how you all stick with me through the huge variety of it all!

I love reading your thoughts and your posts, too. I love how we are like this web of ideas destined to shape a better future, of distinct individuals who seek to thrive in their daily lives. 

Really, if you can't tell already, I love blogging, and I loved 2019, and I'm so excited to see how that year dumps into 2020, and to continue sharing about everything. From the not-so-funny satire to the sometimes almost offensive yet very honest ramblings of yours truly. 

Here's to all of us making wise choices that will please the one who saw fit to place us on His Earth, and here's to enjoying that life, every twist and turn and valley and hill. To laughter and to tears, to a community who edifies and accepts instruction from one another, and to you. 

P.S. One of the ladies from my old German course in Stuttgart is looking for an Au Pair. If you're interested in going, email me and I'll get you in contact with her.