Why Domesticated Chickens Should Be Exiled

There's a common chicken fetish that needs addressing. But first, why your chickens don't deserve to have sweaters knitted for them: 

• Chickens are the farmyard cockroach 

• They are violent, not cute. One of my earliest memories is of being attacked by a vicious rooster. Did you know that they were first bred for fighting before eating according to Wikipedia? 

• They don't even taste that good (naturally grown)

• Commercially grown chicken tastes alright, but who knows what is making it that way

• They destroy gardens

• They terrorize flowers

• Sure, they make good compost. But do you want your compost spread everywhere on your farm?  

• A good mother hen is a rarity 

• They don't take care of ticks and snakes near as well as guineas

• The stench of butchered chickens lasts for days after multiple baths. One does not easily eat a chicken after having slaughtered it, whereas other animals are less gross and easier to stomach 

• Eggs are good. But chickens aren't the only birds to lay

• They are annoying

• They are also very dumb, e.g. know all those chicken-crossing-the-road jokes? Chickens never make it across. One gets hit. Five more go to eat her and are promptly hit, too 

Nearly any argument I've heard for chickens can be easily rebutted. "They are good for turning compost." So are other animals, and these other animals don't have so many bullet points against them. 

But the one that gets me the most is, "They are cute." 

Cuteness is not justification for possession nor for worship when they are such diabolical creatures. They must have some merit or change their old ways. You know, I could manage to force myself to knit a sweater and a pair of trousers if they would simply leave my flowers and produce alone.

A funny thing is we've had chickens, and a lot of them, my entire life. When we lived with the Amish we would haul van-loads of boxes of eggs to "Cackle Hatchery". We had many birds of our own and often participated in long days of butchering that felt more like socials, enjoying fried innards together during breaks. When we moved to Montana my brothers continued to buy hundreds of birds and resell them. I always thought I liked the birds. I knew I didn't love them because I rolled my eyes at anyone who raved chicken passion. It's only recently that I realized just how much I disliked them when discussing it with a NY friend. 

Ah. 

But then a friend shared how his fiery rooster brightened the day by attacking a trespassing tax-assessor. And you know what? I still don't love chickens, but maybe we do need to return to the original use of the domesticated chicken and have a fighter rooster at our door. 

(But if he eats my flowers, I'll chop off his head and deal with all IRS agents on my own)

How do you feel about chickens?