An interesting thought-provoking piece, especially for me as an agender-identifying person who grew up feeling uncomfortable in the dresses I was forced to wear. I've reclaimed wearing dresses in my late 20s and early 30s, but they often make me uncomfortable still, despite it being an active choice to wear them, a memoir of the expectations and requirements of childhood, I assume.
One memory that sticks with me that shaped my view on modesty was a conversation I had with a middle school acquaintance, who was also the only girl at our school to wear a head covering. I asked her once about it while changing for gym class, when I saw her hair for the first time and asked her why she would hide it under cloth when it was so healthy and stunning, and if her family made her wear tbe covering. She was wiser beyond my years at that point despite our similarities in age and told me that it wasn't about hiding beauty for her, that it was about value, appreciation, and boundaries. She knew her hair was beautiful, and she said it was her choice to keep it covered, that by her choosing to cover it she was setting the boundary that she and god decide who has the privilege of witnessing it.
Similarly, I feel the same can be true for a lack of modesty when it is a choice and not an expectation. I rarely dress as immodestly as some due to personal preference, but when I do I am making an active choice to allow others to witness me, which is the same exercise in boundaries.
Your points on homogenous modern clothing have me on the fence. I also feel saddened seeing the loss of culture that a more accessible world has contributed to, and at the same time recall the bullying I experienced for going to school in terribly outdated, second-third-and-fourthhand clothing that never truly fit. The loss of control without informed understanding is a big impactful factor, and I wonder how much more we may have appreciated our differences from peers as children if we had adults willing to have discourse with us through a different lens, mayhap with the wisdom my 13-year-old middle school acquaintance had.
To end, a hello at the farewell: I didn't realize until reading that you're Andy's fiance, when I joined I subscribed to all of the blogs his blog recommends. I enjoyed this post and look forward to reading more of your publications!
Thank you for your thoughts! I know matters like these always contain much nuance for those who personally grow up in them. I also understand the temptation to be bitter at something when it's forced on us as a child. There came a moment though when I realized we each have a choice: to appreciate the beauty we were offered, even if the intention was lacking, or to rekindle the ugliness and keep it aflamed in our lives forever through bitterness, anguish, hatred, and extreme choices. It seems you're doing a wise thing trying to reclaim what dresses mean instead of allowing them to keep an unpleasant strong hold in your mind and heart. Blessings on your journey!
As someone who has gone full circle on this I find your post very interesting. I grew up wearing jeans, whatever, loving 70s bellbottoms (in the 90s), baby doll shirts, and platform shoes. After having my own little girls only then did I begin to think about modesty - but I slowly began to leave beauty behind. We became plain, homogeneous, uniformed. No self expression, no flattering cuts or flowy fabric, just plain old poly cotton broadcloth, gathered waists and long sleeves. When my 15 year old daughter finally tried her own pattern that was princess seams I was shocked to realize she was thin, womanly and beautiful and began to think what is this modesty thing all about? Are we in hiding from men? Did not God create our bodies to be different, lovely, and beautiful? Was I creating a culture in my home that made my girls ashamed to be women? Ashamed of their loveliness and feel like they had to hide it all under gathers and tucks? Or is it a glorious and beautiful thing to be made a woman and we should not be ashamed that we have shape and form - not flaunt it, but rejoice in the creativity of God and that we are part of His beautiful world.
Just a few thoughts, thanks for sharing, Keturah!!
I love your thoughts, and think similarly! God created us beautiful and this is a GOOD thing! I loved when I discovered princess seams too as a teenager!! Thank you for commenting!
"Quality fabrics and dresses simply look great on women, especially if she is a little overweight."
Absolutely true. I dated a woman some years back that carried a little extra weight in her lower half, and I can recall the first time she wore a dress in the early days of our relationship. It was this long, flowing hippie-style number, and she was an absolute knock-out in it, so much so that I nearly walked past her at the place I was meeting her because, for a brief second, I didn't even realize it was her I was walking toward until she spoke to me.
I never had strong opinions about women wearing jeans or leggings, but I've always liked long dresses and skirts on women, and more so now as I get older, for a lot of the reasons you've written about here. The supposed "brights" of our culture that presume to know so much more than Middle America are so preoccupied with the sameness between men and women they appear oblivious to Ed Abbey's great insight: “It’s the difference between men and women, not the sameness, that creates the tension and the delight.”
I guess because we've been interacting a bit, this came up on my feed…
I definitely don't know how to be comfortable in skirts for everyday wear. I usually opt for baggy blue jeans shorts or jeans paired with a button up western style shirt over a tank top. I've gotten interested in vintage fashion as a way to try and rediscover how to wear a skirt practically (ie, not just at church). It’s very slow going though; I was never good at any of that “girly” stuff. Now that I have daughters, I'm trying to learn.
I was raised in a Holiness (Pentecostal) tradition, where long hair, long skirts, and natural faces were the norm. I left that at age 20 to become a conservative Episcopalian (obviously with a few years of...changes along the way), but to this day I still gravitate toward that simple, natural beauty rather than makeup, high heels, and art-form dresses.
I had the same reaction when watched Happy People recently. Here were the men preserving ancient traditions and hunting ways, and then the women were… surprisingly uninspiring. I did wish they shared more about what the women do in their daily lives vs just the men. I think most rural communities, even and especially the very remote ones like the village featured in the documentary, are a strange mix of old and new.
For so many reasons, I have felt the need all my life to not conform to the groups around me. Never really served me too well. Whether that’s family culture, public school settings, very conservative church women, or this highly pornified society, I find myself loving my jeans AND my dresses because they make me feel like me, a woman who is proud of her femininity.
The time when as a man I really viscerally got and understood modesty codes and dress is when I was traveling in intensely fundamentalist regions in Islamic countries. In public women literally looked like walking black sacks with just eyes (barely) peering out. They often needed help to walk because the facial coverings in their dress obscured peripheral vision. (Note this isn’t just the hijab which can go with quite fashionable dress and look but another level of fundamentalism).
Leaving the morality and sexism and frankly dehumanizing aspects of this aside, this modesty code WORKED. As a young man with a high sex drive (like most young men), I felt weirdly liberated - this undertone buzz of arousal and inquiry and challenge I constantly felt in public spaces in the West when surrounded by attractive women was just gone. It was quite a weird feeling actually. There was an aspect of women’s power and aura and presence in public that just…poof…vanished.
But I really don’t think baggy dresses or whatever achieve this kind of effect. There’s still too much attractiveness and individuality left. This experience did give me insight into what modesty codes can theoretically do.
Great piece on modesty and dressing feminine! I grew up wearing dresses only to Sunday Mass. Any other time it would be considered too dressy and people would ask me, "why are you so dressed up?" During Lent this past year, I gave up pants and leggings, only wearing dresses and skirts. It was life changing and now I find, like you mentioned, that my friends and family now proudly wear their dresses on a daily basis. And they love them! Because they're beautiful, feminine, and unique.
I will say, one thing i disagreed with was that you said modesty isn't protective. I think there is a balance with modesty that we need to find. Of course men need to have custody of the eyes, but at what point does it become too much? When a man can't even leave his house without seeing a half naked woman, is that his fault? Should he be expected to keep his head down just to go to the store or for a run in the park?
What about women having peace of mind that they are doing what they can to avoid being lusted after (without going to an extreme of course)? No woman I know wants to see men giving her looks and flirting with her because of what she is wearing. And I do think there are some outfits today that invite sexual attention.
Oh, I didn't mean to imply that modesty isn't protective, just that it shouldn't be the prerogative! It is of course partially protective, but the focus of modesty shouldn't be to hide certain parts of ourselves, but to reveal virtue and beauty (which hand in hand will never be indecent). No matter how women dress, they will never have full peace of mind that they aren't being lusted after because men will see women and lust after them even if they are modest. However, a woman can dress modestly and have peace knowing that even if a man lusts it is not her fault, but his own sin. Naturally, she should have some culpability if she is dressing in a way that is purposely indecent.
Thanks for clarifying! I agree, and yes, that’s a better way of putting it- the peace of mind in knowing they’ve done what they can and it isn’t their fault if a man lusts.
I’ve been reading some of your past articles relating to this topic and they’re all very good! Thanks for writing about this important topic😊
As soon I was out of my hometown I wore only skirts and dresses unless I was working (cooks are required to wear pants in most establishments) I did this even as my relationship to religion shifted and changed. 12 years later I still abhor jeans. I only own 1 pair and I don't remember why I bought them. Recently I shared with a coworker that I felt exposed in them because they are so form fitting. She assumed of course that I found fault in her wearing jeans. She is a horse girl and so wears them often. Getting comfortable in my relationship to my own gender (and quite frankly that relationship being between me and God) I have begun branching out into wearing pants, but similar to those you describe here, wide legged and beautiful, showing the quality of the fabric rather than accentuating my backside. Pants are some peoples freedom, and for me, I will likely dislike sythetic elastic lined blue jeans until I am in the dirt.
it’s so tragic when people take something as a personal attack whenever we share how we personally feel exposed wearing jeans. For example, I hear friends say they feel exposed in a skirt and I don’t take that as an indicator that they think I look immodest in a skirt, just that they are uncomfortable and unused to skirts themselves. I think women get very defensive about pants in a way that’s not necessary. Most people are just trying to figure out how they want to dress and aren’t actually paying that much attention to what others wear!
I fall into the category of having wanted to wear dresses, but stuck with skintight jeans and leggings. For a lot of reasons, I suppose, but the culture I worked in as a personal trainer really pushed that. I've gotten away with never wearing makeup due to allergies :)
It wasn't until my kids were born and I stopped working that that changed for me, and honestly, I was nervous my husband would find it unattractive. I'm a solid 35 lbs heftier after babies, and well fittinf pants are a struggle...but too, I am trying to figure out dresses that work with these curves, while living on one income, and being an absolute stickler about textiles! It's slowly coming arpund, my husband adores it, and I don't feel like I stick out like I'd imagined. If you want to share pointers on winter dressing, I'd love to read that.
As for modesty, we've just come to Christ in the last 2 years, and it's lots of learning and trying to figure out where we fit in. One of my closest friends is Mennonite, and I've looked to Mennonites as inspiration for a variety of things over my life. I feel drawn to older things-- ceremony, tradition, even head covering, and we're struggling to find a church that is our own, while learning, with two wild little boys. We go to a modern church because the sermons keep my husbands interest, but it doesn't feel quite right...and certainly I feel a touch of of place in skirts, where women wear jeans and leggings.
Trying not to confuse God with the trappings of the world proves a challenge sometimes.
I do want to write an essay about how I dress for tips/ ease/ work etc — but for now to answer your question: in the summer I tend to wear more linen and light weight cotton. In the winter I wear a lot of wool skirts, corduroy dresses, flannel dresses, velvet, etc — all rather thick and insulated fabrics. I also usually wear wool leggings under my dresses in the winter and do a lot of layering with cashmere/ wool sweaters!
Thanks for responding! That's definitely an essay I'd love to read. I have two boys under 4, and life is wild and busy (we live in a one room yurt as a family of 4 and do no screens, so we're all constantly moving and on top of one another, choring, or playing outside) and it can certainly feel simpler to throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, and I do find myself less resistant to dirtying pants vs skirts, though skirts hide it better. I also certainly don't feel like it has to be all or nothing, but it does FEEL lovlier to live in skirts for me, and like certain energies flow through me better than when I'm "pants'd up and dirty with boys"
I also have been stubbornly wearing dresses (and cloaks and other odd things) my whole life and I’ve also been told by many people (including my father) that I “looked weird” and “would never find a guy who likes that”, so you can imagine my surprise as I continue to be complimented everywhere I go, and when my first boyfriend absolutely loved how I dressed and encouraged me to dress as “oddly” as I liked
Love that!! It's super, super sweet to be able to experience being a woman -- being truly beautiful and capable of sharing our beauty with the world as God intended!
Thanks, so interesting! I loved dresses as a child and would have never worn anything else, given a choice, but was occasionally forced to wear pants because my parents saw dresses as too impractical for some activities, haha. As an adult I like all sorts of clothes, including jeans: but I invest in well fitted feminine ones, often with some sort of embellishment, such as embroidery.
I also hear you on the blandness and conformity of contemporary western clothes. I remember starting the year in university many years ago, getting off the train and seeing everyone wearing navy or beige. Dreary! Then later in life the uniform becomes leggings and a sweatshirt. Everyone should wear what makes them comfortable/happy, of course, but I have my doubts these choices always come from a happy place: often women talk about low body confidence, not having the time or skills to find clothes that look good on them, and/or being too joylessly busy to dress well.
My daughters and I have been participating in Ukrainian dance the past few years, and one of the delights is having a different costume or costumes to wear every year. Of course these are stage clothes and not entirely traditional (whatever that means) but they are unabashedly feminine and showcase feminine arts (embroidery, weaving, beading, flower arrangements). The different styles also represent different regions and subcultures. I love having that joy and colour in my life and sharing it with the girls.
I usually wear dresses. I wasn't raised that way (though my cousins were). But when it comes right down to it, I just really like feeling beautiful and feminine. No pair of jeans and no pair of leggings makes me feel as pretty as I feel in a dress. I'm a homemaker, and I learned early on how important it was to get dressed in something decent even when I'm not going anywhere that day. I feel so much more myself that way.
An interesting thought-provoking piece, especially for me as an agender-identifying person who grew up feeling uncomfortable in the dresses I was forced to wear. I've reclaimed wearing dresses in my late 20s and early 30s, but they often make me uncomfortable still, despite it being an active choice to wear them, a memoir of the expectations and requirements of childhood, I assume.
One memory that sticks with me that shaped my view on modesty was a conversation I had with a middle school acquaintance, who was also the only girl at our school to wear a head covering. I asked her once about it while changing for gym class, when I saw her hair for the first time and asked her why she would hide it under cloth when it was so healthy and stunning, and if her family made her wear tbe covering. She was wiser beyond my years at that point despite our similarities in age and told me that it wasn't about hiding beauty for her, that it was about value, appreciation, and boundaries. She knew her hair was beautiful, and she said it was her choice to keep it covered, that by her choosing to cover it she was setting the boundary that she and god decide who has the privilege of witnessing it.
Similarly, I feel the same can be true for a lack of modesty when it is a choice and not an expectation. I rarely dress as immodestly as some due to personal preference, but when I do I am making an active choice to allow others to witness me, which is the same exercise in boundaries.
Your points on homogenous modern clothing have me on the fence. I also feel saddened seeing the loss of culture that a more accessible world has contributed to, and at the same time recall the bullying I experienced for going to school in terribly outdated, second-third-and-fourthhand clothing that never truly fit. The loss of control without informed understanding is a big impactful factor, and I wonder how much more we may have appreciated our differences from peers as children if we had adults willing to have discourse with us through a different lens, mayhap with the wisdom my 13-year-old middle school acquaintance had.
To end, a hello at the farewell: I didn't realize until reading that you're Andy's fiance, when I joined I subscribed to all of the blogs his blog recommends. I enjoyed this post and look forward to reading more of your publications!
Thank you for your thoughts! I know matters like these always contain much nuance for those who personally grow up in them. I also understand the temptation to be bitter at something when it's forced on us as a child. There came a moment though when I realized we each have a choice: to appreciate the beauty we were offered, even if the intention was lacking, or to rekindle the ugliness and keep it aflamed in our lives forever through bitterness, anguish, hatred, and extreme choices. It seems you're doing a wise thing trying to reclaim what dresses mean instead of allowing them to keep an unpleasant strong hold in your mind and heart. Blessings on your journey!
Now write about the trend for women to get tattoos…
It's in the drafts lol
As someone who has gone full circle on this I find your post very interesting. I grew up wearing jeans, whatever, loving 70s bellbottoms (in the 90s), baby doll shirts, and platform shoes. After having my own little girls only then did I begin to think about modesty - but I slowly began to leave beauty behind. We became plain, homogeneous, uniformed. No self expression, no flattering cuts or flowy fabric, just plain old poly cotton broadcloth, gathered waists and long sleeves. When my 15 year old daughter finally tried her own pattern that was princess seams I was shocked to realize she was thin, womanly and beautiful and began to think what is this modesty thing all about? Are we in hiding from men? Did not God create our bodies to be different, lovely, and beautiful? Was I creating a culture in my home that made my girls ashamed to be women? Ashamed of their loveliness and feel like they had to hide it all under gathers and tucks? Or is it a glorious and beautiful thing to be made a woman and we should not be ashamed that we have shape and form - not flaunt it, but rejoice in the creativity of God and that we are part of His beautiful world.
Just a few thoughts, thanks for sharing, Keturah!!
I love your thoughts, and think similarly! God created us beautiful and this is a GOOD thing! I loved when I discovered princess seams too as a teenager!! Thank you for commenting!
"Quality fabrics and dresses simply look great on women, especially if she is a little overweight."
Absolutely true. I dated a woman some years back that carried a little extra weight in her lower half, and I can recall the first time she wore a dress in the early days of our relationship. It was this long, flowing hippie-style number, and she was an absolute knock-out in it, so much so that I nearly walked past her at the place I was meeting her because, for a brief second, I didn't even realize it was her I was walking toward until she spoke to me.
I never had strong opinions about women wearing jeans or leggings, but I've always liked long dresses and skirts on women, and more so now as I get older, for a lot of the reasons you've written about here. The supposed "brights" of our culture that presume to know so much more than Middle America are so preoccupied with the sameness between men and women they appear oblivious to Ed Abbey's great insight: “It’s the difference between men and women, not the sameness, that creates the tension and the delight.”
I guess because we've been interacting a bit, this came up on my feed…
I definitely don't know how to be comfortable in skirts for everyday wear. I usually opt for baggy blue jeans shorts or jeans paired with a button up western style shirt over a tank top. I've gotten interested in vintage fashion as a way to try and rediscover how to wear a skirt practically (ie, not just at church). It’s very slow going though; I was never good at any of that “girly” stuff. Now that I have daughters, I'm trying to learn.
I was raised in a Holiness (Pentecostal) tradition, where long hair, long skirts, and natural faces were the norm. I left that at age 20 to become a conservative Episcopalian (obviously with a few years of...changes along the way), but to this day I still gravitate toward that simple, natural beauty rather than makeup, high heels, and art-form dresses.
I had the same reaction when watched Happy People recently. Here were the men preserving ancient traditions and hunting ways, and then the women were… surprisingly uninspiring. I did wish they shared more about what the women do in their daily lives vs just the men. I think most rural communities, even and especially the very remote ones like the village featured in the documentary, are a strange mix of old and new.
When I watched *
For so many reasons, I have felt the need all my life to not conform to the groups around me. Never really served me too well. Whether that’s family culture, public school settings, very conservative church women, or this highly pornified society, I find myself loving my jeans AND my dresses because they make me feel like me, a woman who is proud of her femininity.
The time when as a man I really viscerally got and understood modesty codes and dress is when I was traveling in intensely fundamentalist regions in Islamic countries. In public women literally looked like walking black sacks with just eyes (barely) peering out. They often needed help to walk because the facial coverings in their dress obscured peripheral vision. (Note this isn’t just the hijab which can go with quite fashionable dress and look but another level of fundamentalism).
Leaving the morality and sexism and frankly dehumanizing aspects of this aside, this modesty code WORKED. As a young man with a high sex drive (like most young men), I felt weirdly liberated - this undertone buzz of arousal and inquiry and challenge I constantly felt in public spaces in the West when surrounded by attractive women was just gone. It was quite a weird feeling actually. There was an aspect of women’s power and aura and presence in public that just…poof…vanished.
But I really don’t think baggy dresses or whatever achieve this kind of effect. There’s still too much attractiveness and individuality left. This experience did give me insight into what modesty codes can theoretically do.
What a cool experience to have..
I'm glad it offered you some worthy reflections.
Great piece on modesty and dressing feminine! I grew up wearing dresses only to Sunday Mass. Any other time it would be considered too dressy and people would ask me, "why are you so dressed up?" During Lent this past year, I gave up pants and leggings, only wearing dresses and skirts. It was life changing and now I find, like you mentioned, that my friends and family now proudly wear their dresses on a daily basis. And they love them! Because they're beautiful, feminine, and unique.
I will say, one thing i disagreed with was that you said modesty isn't protective. I think there is a balance with modesty that we need to find. Of course men need to have custody of the eyes, but at what point does it become too much? When a man can't even leave his house without seeing a half naked woman, is that his fault? Should he be expected to keep his head down just to go to the store or for a run in the park?
What about women having peace of mind that they are doing what they can to avoid being lusted after (without going to an extreme of course)? No woman I know wants to see men giving her looks and flirting with her because of what she is wearing. And I do think there are some outfits today that invite sexual attention.
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Oh, I didn't mean to imply that modesty isn't protective, just that it shouldn't be the prerogative! It is of course partially protective, but the focus of modesty shouldn't be to hide certain parts of ourselves, but to reveal virtue and beauty (which hand in hand will never be indecent). No matter how women dress, they will never have full peace of mind that they aren't being lusted after because men will see women and lust after them even if they are modest. However, a woman can dress modestly and have peace knowing that even if a man lusts it is not her fault, but his own sin. Naturally, she should have some culpability if she is dressing in a way that is purposely indecent.
Thanks for clarifying! I agree, and yes, that’s a better way of putting it- the peace of mind in knowing they’ve done what they can and it isn’t their fault if a man lusts.
I’ve been reading some of your past articles relating to this topic and they’re all very good! Thanks for writing about this important topic😊
As soon I was out of my hometown I wore only skirts and dresses unless I was working (cooks are required to wear pants in most establishments) I did this even as my relationship to religion shifted and changed. 12 years later I still abhor jeans. I only own 1 pair and I don't remember why I bought them. Recently I shared with a coworker that I felt exposed in them because they are so form fitting. She assumed of course that I found fault in her wearing jeans. She is a horse girl and so wears them often. Getting comfortable in my relationship to my own gender (and quite frankly that relationship being between me and God) I have begun branching out into wearing pants, but similar to those you describe here, wide legged and beautiful, showing the quality of the fabric rather than accentuating my backside. Pants are some peoples freedom, and for me, I will likely dislike sythetic elastic lined blue jeans until I am in the dirt.
it’s so tragic when people take something as a personal attack whenever we share how we personally feel exposed wearing jeans. For example, I hear friends say they feel exposed in a skirt and I don’t take that as an indicator that they think I look immodest in a skirt, just that they are uncomfortable and unused to skirts themselves. I think women get very defensive about pants in a way that’s not necessary. Most people are just trying to figure out how they want to dress and aren’t actually paying that much attention to what others wear!
I fall into the category of having wanted to wear dresses, but stuck with skintight jeans and leggings. For a lot of reasons, I suppose, but the culture I worked in as a personal trainer really pushed that. I've gotten away with never wearing makeup due to allergies :)
It wasn't until my kids were born and I stopped working that that changed for me, and honestly, I was nervous my husband would find it unattractive. I'm a solid 35 lbs heftier after babies, and well fittinf pants are a struggle...but too, I am trying to figure out dresses that work with these curves, while living on one income, and being an absolute stickler about textiles! It's slowly coming arpund, my husband adores it, and I don't feel like I stick out like I'd imagined. If you want to share pointers on winter dressing, I'd love to read that.
As for modesty, we've just come to Christ in the last 2 years, and it's lots of learning and trying to figure out where we fit in. One of my closest friends is Mennonite, and I've looked to Mennonites as inspiration for a variety of things over my life. I feel drawn to older things-- ceremony, tradition, even head covering, and we're struggling to find a church that is our own, while learning, with two wild little boys. We go to a modern church because the sermons keep my husbands interest, but it doesn't feel quite right...and certainly I feel a touch of of place in skirts, where women wear jeans and leggings.
Trying not to confuse God with the trappings of the world proves a challenge sometimes.
Love that you’re on this journey!!
I do want to write an essay about how I dress for tips/ ease/ work etc — but for now to answer your question: in the summer I tend to wear more linen and light weight cotton. In the winter I wear a lot of wool skirts, corduroy dresses, flannel dresses, velvet, etc — all rather thick and insulated fabrics. I also usually wear wool leggings under my dresses in the winter and do a lot of layering with cashmere/ wool sweaters!
Thanks for responding! That's definitely an essay I'd love to read. I have two boys under 4, and life is wild and busy (we live in a one room yurt as a family of 4 and do no screens, so we're all constantly moving and on top of one another, choring, or playing outside) and it can certainly feel simpler to throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, and I do find myself less resistant to dirtying pants vs skirts, though skirts hide it better. I also certainly don't feel like it has to be all or nothing, but it does FEEL lovlier to live in skirts for me, and like certain energies flow through me better than when I'm "pants'd up and dirty with boys"
I also have been stubbornly wearing dresses (and cloaks and other odd things) my whole life and I’ve also been told by many people (including my father) that I “looked weird” and “would never find a guy who likes that”, so you can imagine my surprise as I continue to be complimented everywhere I go, and when my first boyfriend absolutely loved how I dressed and encouraged me to dress as “oddly” as I liked
Love that!! It's super, super sweet to be able to experience being a woman -- being truly beautiful and capable of sharing our beauty with the world as God intended!
Thanks, so interesting! I loved dresses as a child and would have never worn anything else, given a choice, but was occasionally forced to wear pants because my parents saw dresses as too impractical for some activities, haha. As an adult I like all sorts of clothes, including jeans: but I invest in well fitted feminine ones, often with some sort of embellishment, such as embroidery.
I also hear you on the blandness and conformity of contemporary western clothes. I remember starting the year in university many years ago, getting off the train and seeing everyone wearing navy or beige. Dreary! Then later in life the uniform becomes leggings and a sweatshirt. Everyone should wear what makes them comfortable/happy, of course, but I have my doubts these choices always come from a happy place: often women talk about low body confidence, not having the time or skills to find clothes that look good on them, and/or being too joylessly busy to dress well.
My daughters and I have been participating in Ukrainian dance the past few years, and one of the delights is having a different costume or costumes to wear every year. Of course these are stage clothes and not entirely traditional (whatever that means) but they are unabashedly feminine and showcase feminine arts (embroidery, weaving, beading, flower arrangements). The different styles also represent different regions and subcultures. I love having that joy and colour in my life and sharing it with the girls.
My sisters and I had "shapeless plaid jumper" as our anathema for clothes.
I usually wear dresses. I wasn't raised that way (though my cousins were). But when it comes right down to it, I just really like feeling beautiful and feminine. No pair of jeans and no pair of leggings makes me feel as pretty as I feel in a dress. I'm a homemaker, and I learned early on how important it was to get dressed in something decent even when I'm not going anywhere that day. I feel so much more myself that way.