A home cooked meal v. takeout? Home cooking is not about showing off culinary skill (although it does by definition), its demonstrating you care enough about the health and well-being of your guests to serve them healthy food!
I really enjoy your writing Keturah. It allows me to look at my own life through a different lens which I am grateful for. I love hosting people and reading this I found myself wanting to know - did this day happen yet? Did you cook, what did you make?
No, we ended up having so many other things come up that we had time to facilitated a work day -- my husband's mother is on hospice. Instead a brother came to stay with us for a week and helped us out a ton (and I of course cooked for him the entire time!).
But I had made the decision to do as I've done in the past, which is cook a meal. I would've most likely made something large and easy -- shepherd's pie or a family recipe called "Texas Beef Skillet" which is kidney beans, hamburger, rice, tomatoes, cheese, and tortilla chips.
I loved this article. I would be honored to come to your home. Provide hospitality the way you want anyone who comes will enjoy and be honored. I love Pastor Timothy Keller’s definition of humility. “ Humility is not thinking less of yourself it is thinking about yourself less”.
I refuse to let the world case conflict between me and women who act or think differently from me.
This is an interesting way to frame a dilemma I’m glad doesnt exist in Australia. If you have friends coming for a working bee, you feed them food you made. Whilst no one would be ungrateful for local pizza as a meal, we actually have a culturally accept go-to for feeding a crowd that is considered the bare minimum of hospitality: the sausage sandwich.
It’s cheap (cheapest thin beef snags from the super market, a couple of onions, white sliced bread and tomato sauce, mustard and barbecue sauce if you really want to splash out), easy to cook (any idiot can fire up the barbecue, slice onions and cook the lot) and it’s quick (serve in about 30 minutes). No crockery required, just serviettes for that one person who over-sauces. Throw in a case of beer and you’re good!
You can up-scale it with better quality bread and sausages, and it still works our cost effective way to feed a big crowd quickly with minimal clean up.
We have sausage sizzles for just about every fundraiser, and every polling booth in election day has a sausage sizzle for the local primary school or church hall. Maybe Domino’s is the American cultural equivalent?
But seriously, if people are going to think you’re showing off because you cooked them a decent meal… I just don’t know what to do with that kind of irrational nonsense except do what I’m going to do and they can answer to God for that kind of silliness.
Nobody might have actually thought ill of me... I was currently going through a time of transition where it felt like I was experiencing a lot of cultural dissonance with others, so I was trying a little too hard to avoid any potential conflict that I could imagine happening! I'm finding over time though that the people in our area, while initially skeptical of me, are warming up and finding us tolerable and even seem to like being around us. So I'm feeling more hopeful!
I know the feeling! I never left my home city but moved from one side of the harbour to the other - 30 minutes and $50 in tolls away; and that was enough of a cultural dislocation. I'm only just finding my feet now five years in (the pandemic really didn't help), with no social media. It really does take more time (and more anxiety) than I'd thought.
We cooked for our early hay crews. I’d buy cold cuts, make potato salad and noodle salad and green salad and potato chips. For a different crew I made lasagna, which was probably too heavy. Then that crew was too busy running to the next fields. Things have changed since we moved here. People used to stop and chat on the road. Now not so much. I still wave at everyone who goes by.
Thank you for exploring things I hadn’t much thought about so wisely.
I can relate to your “neurotic” thoughts! Veiling in church has been an especially challenging internal battle for the reasons you listed. To me, transitioning to only wearing skirts or dresses to church felt “showy” despite my intentions otherwise. Over time, it’s become normal to me, and, I assume, others. Head coverings are easing their way in (for my own courage and for my fear of shocking some people). It sounds silly, unless you’ve also asked yourself if ordering pizza is more modest than a homemade dough. I feel like you’re speaking my language.
And, wow, this quote:
“Those who hate beauty argue that it is too noticeable, and because ugliness is normal it is truly more modest and humble. But this is not modesty. Authentic modesty reveals the origins of Godly worth and value.”
It’s honestly a huge relief to see that written out by someone else. Thank you.
I've been veiling for mass, too! It was hard at first just because I didn't grow up Catholic or wearing a head covering, but made easier because my husband really wanted it. I'm glad this resonated for you!
It helps when your husband is supportive. We are not Catholic, and my husband is the pastor of our Lutheran church. So I’m guessing you could imagine the pressure I feel/put on myself to not be misunderstood as a relatively young woman, surrounded by a lot of women the age of my mother? (They don’t veil.)
But that’s one very personal application for a woman of this broader idea you’re addressing: that beauty is inherently pretentious, intentionality is disingenuous, effort is self-serving. You’re correct — refreshingly! — to point out that this is simply untrue. It is so widespread and many of us are afflicted by this, whether we realize it or not. Thanks again for writing and sharing your thoughts with the rest of us!
Oh wow! One of my friends just became Lutheran and she also veils a lot! Even as a Catholic it's hard though because it's such a "hot topic" and many women, especially older women, don't veil anymore and think of it as a stuffy outdated and unnecessary thing to do. People seem to be nice to me in our church, but a lot of women my age struggle with this.
Yes, it is definitely a hot topic…its ‘hotness’ actually made me wonder if the issue was far more significant than any of us were really letting ourselves admit. Part of what changed my mind! And, like you said, most women are likely to be so kind about it. Thanks so much for sharing this little conversation!
I really appreciated this, Keturah. Thank you for giving your readers license to pursue beauty and Godliness in some of the ways our culture has forgotten about or, like you said, views as "virtue signaling". The part I struggle with often is overcoming that fear of coming across as pretentious, and just being genuinely hospitable in my heart. Your friend Rebecca sounds like a wonderful presence to have in your life. I too have been so inspired by the grace and practicality of my Amish friends.
Best wishes to you in your new home & with your baby soon to come. <3
A home cooked meal v. takeout? Home cooking is not about showing off culinary skill (although it does by definition), its demonstrating you care enough about the health and well-being of your guests to serve them healthy food!
I really enjoy your writing Keturah. It allows me to look at my own life through a different lens which I am grateful for. I love hosting people and reading this I found myself wanting to know - did this day happen yet? Did you cook, what did you make?
No, we ended up having so many other things come up that we had time to facilitated a work day -- my husband's mother is on hospice. Instead a brother came to stay with us for a week and helped us out a ton (and I of course cooked for him the entire time!).
But I had made the decision to do as I've done in the past, which is cook a meal. I would've most likely made something large and easy -- shepherd's pie or a family recipe called "Texas Beef Skillet" which is kidney beans, hamburger, rice, tomatoes, cheese, and tortilla chips.
I loved this article. I would be honored to come to your home. Provide hospitality the way you want anyone who comes will enjoy and be honored. I love Pastor Timothy Keller’s definition of humility. “ Humility is not thinking less of yourself it is thinking about yourself less”.
I refuse to let the world case conflict between me and women who act or think differently from me.
This is an interesting way to frame a dilemma I’m glad doesnt exist in Australia. If you have friends coming for a working bee, you feed them food you made. Whilst no one would be ungrateful for local pizza as a meal, we actually have a culturally accept go-to for feeding a crowd that is considered the bare minimum of hospitality: the sausage sandwich.
It’s cheap (cheapest thin beef snags from the super market, a couple of onions, white sliced bread and tomato sauce, mustard and barbecue sauce if you really want to splash out), easy to cook (any idiot can fire up the barbecue, slice onions and cook the lot) and it’s quick (serve in about 30 minutes). No crockery required, just serviettes for that one person who over-sauces. Throw in a case of beer and you’re good!
You can up-scale it with better quality bread and sausages, and it still works our cost effective way to feed a big crowd quickly with minimal clean up.
We have sausage sizzles for just about every fundraiser, and every polling booth in election day has a sausage sizzle for the local primary school or church hall. Maybe Domino’s is the American cultural equivalent?
But seriously, if people are going to think you’re showing off because you cooked them a decent meal… I just don’t know what to do with that kind of irrational nonsense except do what I’m going to do and they can answer to God for that kind of silliness.
Nobody might have actually thought ill of me... I was currently going through a time of transition where it felt like I was experiencing a lot of cultural dissonance with others, so I was trying a little too hard to avoid any potential conflict that I could imagine happening! I'm finding over time though that the people in our area, while initially skeptical of me, are warming up and finding us tolerable and even seem to like being around us. So I'm feeling more hopeful!
I know the feeling! I never left my home city but moved from one side of the harbour to the other - 30 minutes and $50 in tolls away; and that was enough of a cultural dislocation. I'm only just finding my feet now five years in (the pandemic really didn't help), with no social media. It really does take more time (and more anxiety) than I'd thought.
Hospitality is the door to community which need so desperately
The way this spoke to me! Thank you, what a truly profound piece of writing.
Hospitality is a gift. We need it more than ever.
We cooked for our early hay crews. I’d buy cold cuts, make potato salad and noodle salad and green salad and potato chips. For a different crew I made lasagna, which was probably too heavy. Then that crew was too busy running to the next fields. Things have changed since we moved here. People used to stop and chat on the road. Now not so much. I still wave at everyone who goes by.
Thank you for exploring things I hadn’t much thought about so wisely.
I can relate to your “neurotic” thoughts! Veiling in church has been an especially challenging internal battle for the reasons you listed. To me, transitioning to only wearing skirts or dresses to church felt “showy” despite my intentions otherwise. Over time, it’s become normal to me, and, I assume, others. Head coverings are easing their way in (for my own courage and for my fear of shocking some people). It sounds silly, unless you’ve also asked yourself if ordering pizza is more modest than a homemade dough. I feel like you’re speaking my language.
And, wow, this quote:
“Those who hate beauty argue that it is too noticeable, and because ugliness is normal it is truly more modest and humble. But this is not modesty. Authentic modesty reveals the origins of Godly worth and value.”
It’s honestly a huge relief to see that written out by someone else. Thank you.
I've been veiling for mass, too! It was hard at first just because I didn't grow up Catholic or wearing a head covering, but made easier because my husband really wanted it. I'm glad this resonated for you!
It helps when your husband is supportive. We are not Catholic, and my husband is the pastor of our Lutheran church. So I’m guessing you could imagine the pressure I feel/put on myself to not be misunderstood as a relatively young woman, surrounded by a lot of women the age of my mother? (They don’t veil.)
But that’s one very personal application for a woman of this broader idea you’re addressing: that beauty is inherently pretentious, intentionality is disingenuous, effort is self-serving. You’re correct — refreshingly! — to point out that this is simply untrue. It is so widespread and many of us are afflicted by this, whether we realize it or not. Thanks again for writing and sharing your thoughts with the rest of us!
Oh wow! One of my friends just became Lutheran and she also veils a lot! Even as a Catholic it's hard though because it's such a "hot topic" and many women, especially older women, don't veil anymore and think of it as a stuffy outdated and unnecessary thing to do. People seem to be nice to me in our church, but a lot of women my age struggle with this.
Yes, it is definitely a hot topic…its ‘hotness’ actually made me wonder if the issue was far more significant than any of us were really letting ourselves admit. Part of what changed my mind! And, like you said, most women are likely to be so kind about it. Thanks so much for sharing this little conversation!
Very well said.
I really appreciated this, Keturah. Thank you for giving your readers license to pursue beauty and Godliness in some of the ways our culture has forgotten about or, like you said, views as "virtue signaling". The part I struggle with often is overcoming that fear of coming across as pretentious, and just being genuinely hospitable in my heart. Your friend Rebecca sounds like a wonderful presence to have in your life. I too have been so inspired by the grace and practicality of my Amish friends.
Best wishes to you in your new home & with your baby soon to come. <3
I really liked this!