I think people get divorces too easily. I also think that the habit of sleeping around leads to conflict turning into affairs before it gets resolved.
Now, if the spouse is abusing the children, especially in a sexual manner, I think the innocent spouse has a duty to save the children from harm, which means getting them away from the abuser. (In my case, I am pretty sure if my theoretical husband abused my kids, my brothers or dad would make me a widow before divorce was necessary.)
These wise words hit some tender spots in my own life in just the right way. Especially loved your musings on simply finding a good man, with fruit to show. They are out there and it's such a gift to marry them.
Also, did I see a reference to Paul Kingsnorth and family? haha - They all sat in front of us during one portion of last years' Front Porch Republic conference. His son was reading a sci fi novel during his dad's speech, and their daughter seemed relaxed and poised. I didn't realize until a few months later he and his wife weren't of the same faith, but in hindsight wonder how that works out for people like them - since people can marry as very different people!
Your story just gets better and better and the details are revealed. I lift you both in prayer daily and find you both both inspiring and strengthening to my spirit and my resolve. Thank you a million times over. And enjoy your travels.
I loved this article but this was surprising to me... growing up not Christian in a country of catholic traditions, I was aware that there were differences between Catholic and Protestant strong enough that they gravely fought for a couple of centuries back when... but in this present day and age, it all looked the same to me from afar, all Christian. However I understand know there are still significant differences and I am surprised to learn that some American families are still staunch anti-Catholic.
Recently married to a husband that is very different from me in culture, I loved your insights and would love to read more about your attitude in marriage
Honestly I didn't realize just how anti-catholic many Protestant Americans are until marrying a Catholic. It really took me by surprise! But I remember learning that my great grandfather was a member of the KKK for Catholics not blacks. And I still encounter all sorts of deep-setted prejudices against Catholicism that are nearly inexplicable. I've taken to asking friends to share their full thoughts with me about Catholicism. That usually helps them realize that most of what they think they know is grossly inaccurate, and helps us have more respect for each other in the long run (I think it will take a lot more than this with family, perhaps years of them "witnessing" how we raise children and get along over these next decades).
I love this so much. My siblings and I all married outside of our church; in some cases one spouse switched churches, while my sister and her husband have worked hard to support each other in their separate faiths. But I think for each of us, the “unequal yoke” has only made us understand our own faith in a deeper and richer way. Thank God.
About 30 years ago I met someone who became one of my lifelong friends in University. His name is Nir Menussi. At the time, he was estranged from his Jewish heritage. We immediately became good friends and over the next few years, he rediscovered Judaism, Torah, and most importantly and with relevance to your beautiful post, the importance of taking on the yoke of Heaven--i.e., becoming an observant Jew committed to all of God's commandments.
One of our deepest conversations occurred after he parted from his girlfriend of a number of years. We talked long and hard (rather I talked, he listened) about the lack of commitment, not just a practical lack in applying steadfastness to relationships, but the utter ridicule commitment as an important character trait by many.
Nir, who over the years has become known as Rabbi Menussi, married, and has 6 children, is a gifted writer who just recently published a book (alas, still in Hebrew, but will eventually be translated into English) called "The Morning After" dealing with the ill-effects of the sexual revolution on couples and families. Until his book is translated, I recommend reading his stack, https://nirmenussi.substack.com/
I think you will find a great deal in his stack that will resonate with both you and your husband.
May the Almighty grant you many good and healthy years together and may your goodwill to one another become a source of blessing for all around you.
Beautiful. I remember from time to time a homily in which the priest drew on the example of a woman whose husband was a terrible alcoholic - so much so that living with him became untenable (they had children). However, the wife never divorced him; in fact, she kept caring for him until his untimely death. Cooking, washing his clothes, and keeping some company (to the extent it was possible at all).
I think people get divorces too easily. I also think that the habit of sleeping around leads to conflict turning into affairs before it gets resolved.
Now, if the spouse is abusing the children, especially in a sexual manner, I think the innocent spouse has a duty to save the children from harm, which means getting them away from the abuser. (In my case, I am pretty sure if my theoretical husband abused my kids, my brothers or dad would make me a widow before divorce was necessary.)
These wise words hit some tender spots in my own life in just the right way. Especially loved your musings on simply finding a good man, with fruit to show. They are out there and it's such a gift to marry them.
Also, did I see a reference to Paul Kingsnorth and family? haha - They all sat in front of us during one portion of last years' Front Porch Republic conference. His son was reading a sci fi novel during his dad's speech, and their daughter seemed relaxed and poised. I didn't realize until a few months later he and his wife weren't of the same faith, but in hindsight wonder how that works out for people like them - since people can marry as very different people!
did I meet you at Porch Republic event last year?? Because Andy and I were there too!!
In Madison? No we did not meet, although that weekend turned out to be quite fun!!
that was a fun weekend ... I'm sorry we didn't meet!!
To be fair, there were a lot of people. haha
Beautifully written, thank you for sharing your witness.
"But as Christians, it is not our duty to grope for nuanced truths. We are called to abide steadfastly to tried and true generalities."
Wow!
I'll be thinking about this for a while. What a deep and terrible and beautiful truth you touched on here!
Could have re-stacked every other line. Blessings to you both 🤍
Loved this.
So wonderful! I have been married 23 years now , since i was 25 :)
Your words are wonderful and so are you both :)
Your story just gets better and better and the details are revealed. I lift you both in prayer daily and find you both both inspiring and strengthening to my spirit and my resolve. Thank you a million times over. And enjoy your travels.
Beautiful as always, ma'am. Thank you for writing the way that you do.
I loved this article but this was surprising to me... growing up not Christian in a country of catholic traditions, I was aware that there were differences between Catholic and Protestant strong enough that they gravely fought for a couple of centuries back when... but in this present day and age, it all looked the same to me from afar, all Christian. However I understand know there are still significant differences and I am surprised to learn that some American families are still staunch anti-Catholic.
Recently married to a husband that is very different from me in culture, I loved your insights and would love to read more about your attitude in marriage
Honestly I didn't realize just how anti-catholic many Protestant Americans are until marrying a Catholic. It really took me by surprise! But I remember learning that my great grandfather was a member of the KKK for Catholics not blacks. And I still encounter all sorts of deep-setted prejudices against Catholicism that are nearly inexplicable. I've taken to asking friends to share their full thoughts with me about Catholicism. That usually helps them realize that most of what they think they know is grossly inaccurate, and helps us have more respect for each other in the long run (I think it will take a lot more than this with family, perhaps years of them "witnessing" how we raise children and get along over these next decades).
May God bless you, your husband and your marriage.
Thank you!!
I love this so much. My siblings and I all married outside of our church; in some cases one spouse switched churches, while my sister and her husband have worked hard to support each other in their separate faiths. But I think for each of us, the “unequal yoke” has only made us understand our own faith in a deeper and richer way. Thank God.
Have you ever heard of "neck-turning"? That describes some of the "grooming the husbands" dynamic.
About 30 years ago I met someone who became one of my lifelong friends in University. His name is Nir Menussi. At the time, he was estranged from his Jewish heritage. We immediately became good friends and over the next few years, he rediscovered Judaism, Torah, and most importantly and with relevance to your beautiful post, the importance of taking on the yoke of Heaven--i.e., becoming an observant Jew committed to all of God's commandments.
One of our deepest conversations occurred after he parted from his girlfriend of a number of years. We talked long and hard (rather I talked, he listened) about the lack of commitment, not just a practical lack in applying steadfastness to relationships, but the utter ridicule commitment as an important character trait by many.
Nir, who over the years has become known as Rabbi Menussi, married, and has 6 children, is a gifted writer who just recently published a book (alas, still in Hebrew, but will eventually be translated into English) called "The Morning After" dealing with the ill-effects of the sexual revolution on couples and families. Until his book is translated, I recommend reading his stack, https://nirmenussi.substack.com/
I think you will find a great deal in his stack that will resonate with both you and your husband.
May the Almighty grant you many good and healthy years together and may your goodwill to one another become a source of blessing for all around you.
Beautiful. I remember from time to time a homily in which the priest drew on the example of a woman whose husband was a terrible alcoholic - so much so that living with him became untenable (they had children). However, the wife never divorced him; in fact, she kept caring for him until his untimely death. Cooking, washing his clothes, and keeping some company (to the extent it was possible at all).
This is powerful!