Keturah, I love so much of what you write, but I’m very much struggling with the use of the words “slut,” “whore,” and “hussy” in this essay. I think these words are beneath the dignity of us all: they demean the women at whom they are directed and they speak ill of the people who use them. I was caught off-guard when I saw them used here.
I think you are absolutely right that we need to speak the truth clearly and without beating around the bush, but words like these are lacking in nuance and mercy. I cannot picture Our Lord encountering the Samaritan woman at the well and calling her a whore, or else referring to the woman caught in adultery as a slut, all the while telling the Pharisees that he who is without sin should cast the first stone. Indeed, St. Francis de Sales said that we ought to "cook the truth in charity until it tastes sweet." That does not mean that we weaken the truth, only that we make it palatable.
I use those words seldom in my own life for those very reasons, and you will rarely find them in any of my essays. However, I felt it was necessary in this essay for many reasons. Even though they are offensive words, they are true descriptors. To speak clearly and directly I feel is not beneath my dignity, if it is accurate and not crass, and it doesn't demean any woman it applies to but acknowledges her behavior. It is not an end to itself. They do not define a woman, and a woman can move on from being a hussy, whore, or a slut. Furthermore, there are many women who are not afraid to act as such but are offended when they are properly described. I do believe a woman must be willing to be honest about whatever path it is she chooses to walk on. Yes, there was salvation for the prostitutes Jesus ministered to, but they were still prostitutes until they repented -- and He saw that through Grace they could repent. And yet, I know not all prostitutes accept the Grace of God as the woman at the well did. It is beautiful when they do, and we should think nothing of the past of such women but to admire the work God did in them. I think the same way about porn stars. I do not approve of the life a porn star lives, I will not pretend otherwise. If I meet such a woman though she and I will both be able to see how the other leaves. I do not need to call her names, but I should be able to lead her to grace and the woman who is lead to the gospel will willingly testify, "Although I was a slut, I am now washed by the grace of God." I'm not sure if that's a very good explanation of why I chose to use those words.
As a young woman who is doing her best to discern right from wrong, I greatly appreciate your bluntness. It challenges me to think deeply about these issues and encourages growth. :)
Thank you for sharing your writing, I always look forward to reading your words!
I'd rather you speak clearly than obliquely-- I can't stand it when people do that. Also, you made multiple great points about various topics, and there's a YT video or two I was going to post that I think you may be interested in! That's for later, my coffee hasn't kicked in yet :D
"Our faith is proved through our beautiful works — or soured by ugly works. And yet modernity is offended most by Beauty because of how it might arouse feelings of inadequacy. Beauty is spurned because it makes us realize that we might actually be ugly.
It is beauty alone that can convict without words, and that can point and reshape culture and society into something naturally ordered.
And it is offensive that something — something that needs no words in any language — can be so powerful.
Comparison is good."
I recently went through Roger Scruton's book "Beauty" — and this reminded me of a point he made about desecration and profanation. That they are often attempts to control or be rid of those sacred (beautiful) things which would otherwise convict or see through us.
Such a lovely read! I appreciate your online decorum and charitable bluntness in these things you care enough to write about. A rare treat on the internet.
Your writing is like a cool drink of water on a hot day, or, to be more seasonal, like a perfect cup of tea on a snowy winter morning. Thank you!
But I must inquire: do you really not wear shoes? I used to go barefoot more when I was a teenager, but I fell out of the habit when I worked in food service (close toed shoes!)
I stopped wearing a shoes about five years ago during COVID, and only after about a year started again once I felt the world was more healed. I still am mostly barefoot in the summer for months on end. Right now I am wearing shoes because it is cold and I don't feel such a need to not wear them as much. I will someday write in depth about this! However I have been barefoot in NYC, in every store and establishment, every place I ever worked (including restaurants, though that's because I knew the people I was working with).
Brian Holdsworth does a great job examining the nuances with clothing and what they communicate, along with explaining things in a tone that's non-pushy. I've read a few of your articles, especially the ones pertaining to modest dress, and I think you'd appreciate what he says!
I appreciate the bluntness. I have had a lot of difficulty trying to find a real expression of who I am now, and have had enormous difficulty relating to a “meek pearls and pastels” aesthetic of a womanhood that was idealised/marketed as “Christian” in the early naughties. I always had a tomboy aesthetic for practical reasons (horses) and temperamental reasons. Working out what was going on with me, with God and what he wanted from me as a daughter is still in raw and continually being reprocessed with each baby joining us. Your perspective (so different from mine) and it’s clear articulation has been very helpful.
it's a descriptive word with meaning that although negative sometimes has a proper place to be used. I did not mean for it to be used ironically, but meant to describe an actual behavior that is not classy. I do not judge women who are sluts any more than I judge anyone who commits any sin, but I'm not afraid to use my words either.
You are correct that I have no right to tell you what to do or say, and I apologize for my confrontational tone. But as a fellow modestly-dressing Christian, I think it’s sad not to be able to valorize our choices without resorting to name-calling of other women, particularly strangers. Many women, myself included, have hurtful associations with that word. I do not see what you gain by your flippant use of it, and as a reader it was hard to move past. That is my perspective. Best of luck to you regardless.
One last thing to add—the definition of the word “slut” is a woman who has many sexual partners. Which is a lot to assume about a woman just based on her outfit and suntan, however lurid.
I think it's unfortunate that the word has come to have hurtful associations - it is overused perhaps, or not used properly. I myself do try not to use it often, but only when it seems necessary or when it is accurate. While this is doesn't seem true of you, it does seem odd to me how many people will easily use such words as darn, damn, f*ck, c*nt, sh*t, etc but then avoid any usage of whore, slut, gay, etc. I believe this is because condemnation makes everyone uncomfortable while simultaneously most people praise ugliness. My essays on modesty are primarily focused on the outward appearance as I can not see the heart of men and women, and try to mostly assume that all people are children of God despite whatever sin it is they struggle with. This is not something that I arbitrarily believe on my own . . . in biblical times a harlot/ prostitute was known by the clothes she wore. Until recently this was always the case ... but now anyone can dress like a slut, and even act like a slut, but the word is somehow taboo and dissociated from reality. I don't think this is honest in the slightest. I have no desire to push condemnation onto anyone, but I do believe that women should take care in how they dress and be aware of the impressions they offer when they choose whatever fashion they want -- for there are statements, even if unspoken, and those statements given by our clothes affect how the world views Jesus through us. Again I don't mean for any woman to feel bad, but also the point of this writing is to offer uncomfortable facts for others to mull over and do with as they wish. I hope that can offer a little bit of a satisfactory explanation for you.
Keturah, I love so much of what you write, but I’m very much struggling with the use of the words “slut,” “whore,” and “hussy” in this essay. I think these words are beneath the dignity of us all: they demean the women at whom they are directed and they speak ill of the people who use them. I was caught off-guard when I saw them used here.
I think you are absolutely right that we need to speak the truth clearly and without beating around the bush, but words like these are lacking in nuance and mercy. I cannot picture Our Lord encountering the Samaritan woman at the well and calling her a whore, or else referring to the woman caught in adultery as a slut, all the while telling the Pharisees that he who is without sin should cast the first stone. Indeed, St. Francis de Sales said that we ought to "cook the truth in charity until it tastes sweet." That does not mean that we weaken the truth, only that we make it palatable.
Like I said, I’m really struggling with this!
I use those words seldom in my own life for those very reasons, and you will rarely find them in any of my essays. However, I felt it was necessary in this essay for many reasons. Even though they are offensive words, they are true descriptors. To speak clearly and directly I feel is not beneath my dignity, if it is accurate and not crass, and it doesn't demean any woman it applies to but acknowledges her behavior. It is not an end to itself. They do not define a woman, and a woman can move on from being a hussy, whore, or a slut. Furthermore, there are many women who are not afraid to act as such but are offended when they are properly described. I do believe a woman must be willing to be honest about whatever path it is she chooses to walk on. Yes, there was salvation for the prostitutes Jesus ministered to, but they were still prostitutes until they repented -- and He saw that through Grace they could repent. And yet, I know not all prostitutes accept the Grace of God as the woman at the well did. It is beautiful when they do, and we should think nothing of the past of such women but to admire the work God did in them. I think the same way about porn stars. I do not approve of the life a porn star lives, I will not pretend otherwise. If I meet such a woman though she and I will both be able to see how the other leaves. I do not need to call her names, but I should be able to lead her to grace and the woman who is lead to the gospel will willingly testify, "Although I was a slut, I am now washed by the grace of God." I'm not sure if that's a very good explanation of why I chose to use those words.
As a young woman who is doing her best to discern right from wrong, I greatly appreciate your bluntness. It challenges me to think deeply about these issues and encourages growth. :)
Thank you for sharing your writing, I always look forward to reading your words!
I'd rather you speak clearly than obliquely-- I can't stand it when people do that. Also, you made multiple great points about various topics, and there's a YT video or two I was going to post that I think you may be interested in! That's for later, my coffee hasn't kicked in yet :D
"Our faith is proved through our beautiful works — or soured by ugly works. And yet modernity is offended most by Beauty because of how it might arouse feelings of inadequacy. Beauty is spurned because it makes us realize that we might actually be ugly.
It is beauty alone that can convict without words, and that can point and reshape culture and society into something naturally ordered.
And it is offensive that something — something that needs no words in any language — can be so powerful.
Comparison is good."
I recently went through Roger Scruton's book "Beauty" — and this reminded me of a point he made about desecration and profanation. That they are often attempts to control or be rid of those sacred (beautiful) things which would otherwise convict or see through us.
Such a lovely read! I appreciate your online decorum and charitable bluntness in these things you care enough to write about. A rare treat on the internet.
I love your writing. I love how you can allow other to be themselves without judgement.
The BEST way to help is to set a good example. You and your Husband do that and create space in which others can grow.
Your writing is like a cool drink of water on a hot day, or, to be more seasonal, like a perfect cup of tea on a snowy winter morning. Thank you!
But I must inquire: do you really not wear shoes? I used to go barefoot more when I was a teenager, but I fell out of the habit when I worked in food service (close toed shoes!)
I stopped wearing a shoes about five years ago during COVID, and only after about a year started again once I felt the world was more healed. I still am mostly barefoot in the summer for months on end. Right now I am wearing shoes because it is cold and I don't feel such a need to not wear them as much. I will someday write in depth about this! However I have been barefoot in NYC, in every store and establishment, every place I ever worked (including restaurants, though that's because I knew the people I was working with).
Per modesty, I like this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyA7btOUt2M
Brian Holdsworth does a great job examining the nuances with clothing and what they communicate, along with explaining things in a tone that's non-pushy. I've read a few of your articles, especially the ones pertaining to modest dress, and I think you'd appreciate what he says!
Thanks for sharing this video! Looking forward to watching it!
I appreciate the bluntness. I have had a lot of difficulty trying to find a real expression of who I am now, and have had enormous difficulty relating to a “meek pearls and pastels” aesthetic of a womanhood that was idealised/marketed as “Christian” in the early naughties. I always had a tomboy aesthetic for practical reasons (horses) and temperamental reasons. Working out what was going on with me, with God and what he wanted from me as a daughter is still in raw and continually being reprocessed with each baby joining us. Your perspective (so different from mine) and it’s clear articulation has been very helpful.
....just have to say I'm chuckling at "the early naughties"
That’s an Australianism… we use “naught” for zero quite a bit. Hence, eighties, nineties and naughties.
I think it’s an apt desciptor. 😉
Please don’t refer to strangers as sluts on the internet.
please don't assume that you have the right to tell anyone what to do or say
It is a vulgar word with an extremely negative connotation. It comes off as ironic in an article about being classy and nonjudgmental.
it's a descriptive word with meaning that although negative sometimes has a proper place to be used. I did not mean for it to be used ironically, but meant to describe an actual behavior that is not classy. I do not judge women who are sluts any more than I judge anyone who commits any sin, but I'm not afraid to use my words either.
You are correct that I have no right to tell you what to do or say, and I apologize for my confrontational tone. But as a fellow modestly-dressing Christian, I think it’s sad not to be able to valorize our choices without resorting to name-calling of other women, particularly strangers. Many women, myself included, have hurtful associations with that word. I do not see what you gain by your flippant use of it, and as a reader it was hard to move past. That is my perspective. Best of luck to you regardless.
One last thing to add—the definition of the word “slut” is a woman who has many sexual partners. Which is a lot to assume about a woman just based on her outfit and suntan, however lurid.
I think it's unfortunate that the word has come to have hurtful associations - it is overused perhaps, or not used properly. I myself do try not to use it often, but only when it seems necessary or when it is accurate. While this is doesn't seem true of you, it does seem odd to me how many people will easily use such words as darn, damn, f*ck, c*nt, sh*t, etc but then avoid any usage of whore, slut, gay, etc. I believe this is because condemnation makes everyone uncomfortable while simultaneously most people praise ugliness. My essays on modesty are primarily focused on the outward appearance as I can not see the heart of men and women, and try to mostly assume that all people are children of God despite whatever sin it is they struggle with. This is not something that I arbitrarily believe on my own . . . in biblical times a harlot/ prostitute was known by the clothes she wore. Until recently this was always the case ... but now anyone can dress like a slut, and even act like a slut, but the word is somehow taboo and dissociated from reality. I don't think this is honest in the slightest. I have no desire to push condemnation onto anyone, but I do believe that women should take care in how they dress and be aware of the impressions they offer when they choose whatever fashion they want -- for there are statements, even if unspoken, and those statements given by our clothes affect how the world views Jesus through us. Again I don't mean for any woman to feel bad, but also the point of this writing is to offer uncomfortable facts for others to mull over and do with as they wish. I hope that can offer a little bit of a satisfactory explanation for you.