Let me paint a picture for you, then tell you why...
This morning around 6:00, I read your post and began to contemplate just why I/we left one of the groups you talked about. I packed lunches for 3 people who must leave the house today, got breakfast ready and made coffee. Around 7 my 8 year old came down the stairs coughing, from allergy induced asthma, so I gave him a few puffs from his inhaler then we cuddled under a blanket on the couch talking about when it will snow, museums we want to go to and his latest book he's reading. Then my 17 year old's alarm went off and he slowly came down the stairs, grabbed his breakfast, lunch, and coffee, and headed out the door, driving to work in an old truck he just finished fixing up and got on the road last week. As he was leaving, my 20 year old's alarm was sounding. Soon she will groggily come down the stairs, getting ready for her day consisting of many things including Irish dance practice and a Shakespeare class at the local State University where she is a senior English major. The rest of us will begin our school day around 8:30. This afternoon some will attend music lessons at a local community organization while the rest grab some new books from the library. Tonight we will eat home made pizza and probably play a game or read the next chapter in our Read-aloud books. Some nights we watch a movie together.
Why do I give you my daily run-down? Because we could do almost NONE of these things if we were still members of the group. From cuddling on the sofa to attending University - there is a price for community.
BUT there is an empty, lonely hole in my heart that has never been filled since leaving the group. A lost sisterhood that brings me to tears many days out of a month. The culture at large cannot give me back the deep conversations and connections I once had. So I understand why people remain. But having children made it impossible to stay.
I don't know what group you left, but you paint a real picture - there are those who stay in their groups determining that what you value is of no importance to them, and their children remain because they learn to take pride in creating of repairing things other than trucks, and in singing other sorts of songs or dancing other sorts of dances,, and medicine and health may be approached differently, but they decide, that in those ways, too, they have made the right sacrifices for the bubble they've chosen. Their meaning in the everyday is not altered or defined by education or sports or comforts. There is a joy and peace in that, for many I think. At the close of the day, what some do for their children, others will do the very opposite for their children, but with equal intention and sincerity. And that's when it's not really a matter of choosing "right or wrong" but of choosing the aesthetics that best match your soul. This is why traditional Catholicism has become soooo appealing to me. It's everything I've ever loved about every community and "cult" all mixed together, with a lot more freedom to cuddle your children (though many of the Amish also cuddle their children!!).
We were with the Jim Roberts/Brethren/Brothers & Sisters, etc...group.
We began traveling with them when our 6th child was a baby, so my perspective is probably a little different from some. The continuous presence of others in the same house means private family moments were rare and others were constantly adding their advice or rules to our own. So yes, having your own home like the Amish would make the family life aspect much different.
they're one of my favorite groups - I've traveled with them a lot! One of my best friends was raised in their group, and we just spent time with Kishiah while on a n Amtrak layover. However, I think they are better suited to embracing a monastic way of life, and I think they will be forced to choose it at some point if they want to remain a group.
Ah, Kishiah...when someone mentions his name everyone in our family smiles and lets out a small sigh, like we're all mentally sending him a group hug. Good memories of that brother.
I guess another thought is that I want my adult children to be able to choose freely the course of their life and how they will follow after God and not feel like they have to do it in rebellion or with my disapproval. As you did - choosing your beliefs, your husband and his beliefs and living in the freedom of that choice. I can embrace many walks of faith different from mine, but can they all embrace me?
yes, it's a fair concern -- one that requires some balance! While I appreciate our "freedom of religion" I don't think it's actually done society very much good, and at the end of the day, none of us understand it as much as those who made it possible for us meant for us to understand it. Very few of us actually risk death because of our faith, and we can always find someone who will validate us no matterr what choice we make. At the end of the day, I want to give my children something they won't depart from, not a choice, per say, but something that is so strong that they feel no choice but to remain adamantly steadfast, loyal, and faithful to it -- the hope is out of love, not fear, though. All the same, I do want to "eliminate" the choice, to a degree and to make less room for ego and more room for God. Naturally I want them to be strong enough though to leave it if it is my will and not God's, and for God to grant them discernment if I entangle them unwisely.
As someone who has survived sexual abuse in a religious context (Catholic, got assaulted by a priest), and is still a member of that group...
The reason I've stayed is because the center of the religion is true. The people who abuse and cover it up are acting contrary to what that religion actually teaches, and, according to the beliefs of our group, will have to account for it some day. I think as far as sex scandals go, that's the real litmus test -- does the belief system itself say that's ok? Is it centered around a charismatic "prophet" or individual that can do no wrong (thinking of the Heavens Gate group or Jim Jones)? Or is it based on a common understanding of the truth? If the latter, does that understanding itself still hold up?
I will say there are times I fear for the safety of my children-- I don't trust the hierarchy to actually address abuse by its leaders. It's been covered up too many times. And I know Catholics who love their faith and still want to be Catholic, but have literal panic attacks when they walk into a church because it reminds them of very real suffering they've undergone . That sort of sin, like anywhere else, deeply wounds the community, and it's deeply frustrating when the faith leaders look the other way.
But yes...you have to look at what a group/belief system believes and condones to judge it, not as much at what its members do.
I wanted to add that for a lot of Catholics (at least in the world of survivors) the number of priests abusing isn't so much the problem as the Bishops turning a blind eye to it, reassigning abusive priests instead of removing them from ministry, and treating survivors that come forward primarily as legal liabilities rather than as people who need help. Most survivors of clerical/religious sexual abuse who leave do so only after having to deal with the bishops office and seeing how their case is (mis) handled.
I don't know if it's the same in these other groups. But I did want to mention in the cases I'm familiar with, it's not so much a numbers thing as a management one.
I would think this issue would be the same in schools and universities - nobody wants to deal with a scandal or liability or law suits! A small town school in Montana just has a huge controversy with a high school teacher who skipped town after it was discovered suddenly he was a pedo and had been enabled by the school board for maybe years. Very small school - everyone knew each other. One of my husband's uncles also says that when his daughters attend college they should attend a place that has a high rate of rape, because, he says, all universities have rape, but the ones with the high numbers are likely the one reporting it, whereas the others might just be shoving it under the rug.
I really respect your mindset on this. I feel it takes a lot of courage to acknowledge the church's brokenness while remaining subjected to its authority. We are too quick as a society to dismiss the good we have when it disapoints or pains us. But I do believe God has given us church and our community, to love, for better or worse. And there's just no option for divorce.
That's a big part of why I'm still here. But I also don't feel like I can judge those who leave...those wounds run very, very deep, and it can feel like more than your body was violated.
Interesting and insightful article! I really appreciate your perspective on this.
Two notes:
One reason for the fascination with and misunderstanding of cults is probably the voyeuristic desire to believe that horrors exist. It's so much easier to imagine the absolute worst of someone and then make it even more salacious, which I've seen often in portrayals of cults in the media.
Secondly, I think that some confusion might exist between cults of personality (dynamic leaders who carry astray a flock of believers simply for their own gain) and more genuine spiritual communities (which you're talking about here). This idea is nebulous, though, and I'll have to think about it more.
I actually was writing about both types of Christian groups and cults -- all of these groups had a magnanimous, dynamic leader and swept up large groups of people: Jacob Ammon for the Amish, Jim Roberts for the Jim Roberts group, Elbert Eugene Spriggs Jr for the Twelve Tribes, Joseph Smith for the Mormons, Menno Simons for the Mennonites. The list could go on ... however, does it mean anything if a dynamic man moves a group of people to radical living? What is the difference between these men (or woman, I.e. Ellen G. White for the Seventh Day Adventists) and John Calvin for the Calvinist, Martin Luther for the Lutherans, John Wesley for Methodism, or Billly Graham who is accredited as responsible for a lot of our parents or grandparents conversions. Of course every single one of these groups from the Jim Roberts (they do not identify under that man's name, it's their wiki page name) to the Methodists claim the do not follow the man who lead them to walk closer with Christ, that these men were simply inspired of God.Really, as I type this out the only religions denomination that is not centered around any man (honestly speaking) is Catholicism. However, many Christians still think of it as a cult because of the pope -- and yet the pope changes and is hardly relevant for most Catholics lives, while all the rest of denominations will continue to loyaly quote the founders. If nothing else, it is all good things to think about!
Yes, it's certainly interesting to think about! I haven't studied cults deeply, but the subject fascinates me and I really appreciate the different perspective you bring to it.
Im in tears. I lived on many communes in NZ that were classed as cults, but only by people who left in shame, or by people who never bothered to get to know us.
At 22 I became very religious and had to move to three countries before settling in the USA that at least has some Religious tolerance. 1000X more than NZ, Canada and Australia.
A big reason for searching out a place to live was trying to find a modicum of just baseline tolerance.
I cant even talk about my faith to many I meet. Your Substack is like a fresh rain :)
We left the Mennonites, not because we couldn't stay, but because we wanted some teaching we couldn't get there at that that time. That feels like a very important point.
I love my family that stayed, and my friends and in a lot of ways I'm not sure I ever really left. After all, how can you "leave" something that literally shaped you?
On the other hand, sometimes while I am talking with them, I realize how differently I see the world, now.
But I'm grateful I grew up that way and I hope I do as good a job with my kids as my parents did with me.
This is such a minor point in a piece with a lot of really good points, but I'm really glad I'm not the only one who feels the same way about dogs as pets. To my mind, dogs are working animals and are happiest and healthiest when they have a job to do and are trained to do it, and have the space to not constantly be stressed by other dogs infringing on what they see as their territory. This is a very uncool opinion, I have gathered, but I have not yet been persuaded otherwise.
I grew up a secular normie and am now a traditional Catholic, which a lot of folks including my family members regard as a cult in the secular sense (it has a specific, positive meaning in the Catholic world as devotion to a particular saint, so that distinction can be kind of fun.) I do get annoyed sometimes by groupthink or unofficial rules that aren't really rules, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons, and they're the kind of things that can and do get renegotiated over time. The things that my secular relatives think are the worst about my life tend to be the things I like best - neighborliness, hard work, lots of kids who don't have to grow up too soon. There's an understanding, too, that of course some of the rules are arbitrary. But not having a rule or common understanding would be worse.
Great post. It got me thinking about my own worldview and the drastic change that has taken place, not only in the past decade but even within the past three years. Though I spent many years studying various religious traditions, I always kept them at arm's length, even feeling "above all traditions," as Seraphim Rose admitted about himself when he was a wandering and seeking young man before finally joining the Orthodox Church. I recall this Polish film I saw some years ago, about a young woman on the verge of taking monastic vows in the Catholic Church, then some deep revelations about her family and past leave her with doubts; she briefly gets sidetracked into dabbling in a more worldly life but ultimately decides to take her vows, or that’s what is suggested as the story winds down. I remember feeling disappointed that she didn't embrace her newfound "adventurous" life. If I was seeing that movie for the first time now, I would be rooting for her to take those vows. It’s a little humorous twist in my life that I never would’ve expected a few years ago, and especially not when I first saw that movie.
I’ve grappled with that same hesitation, as shown in the movie, and what you talked about in your post. On this little Orthodox journey of mine, I’ve poured over exorthodox posts on Reddit, trying to separate the overdramatic from the true cases of trauma. In the end, I realized that these bad experiences don’t negate the truth and beauty of the true Spirit and Tradition therein, whether it be Orthodox or any other religion. Despite any higher origins, all religions, movements, etc., are peopled with fallible humans. Not long after all that soul searching, I came across a great quote from an Orthodox convert that further put it all into perspective: “Sooner or later you will meet someone who is a living saint and someone who is demonically deluded. You will encounter the uncreated light and the utter darkness of sin. You will encounter the beauty of the divine and the twisted ugliness of evil. You will be drawn to holiness and you will be disgusted by ungodliness. You will love truth and hear lies. You will find peace and you will find spiritual warfare. But there is nothing new under the sun.”
* * *
I remember watching the drama with the Davidians unfold on television throughout that stand-off. My teacher let my class watch when it finally all went up in flames. As I think about it now, I think that was a significant reveal for the Democrats, the supposed party of the little man, of tolerance, showing their true colors. Was it ever proven that child abuse was happening amongst them? I don’t really recall. I just remember them as religious eccentrics.
* * *
“Meanwhile the secular world has no offer of redemption, and just as often no true vindication.”
This is profound and really stood out to me. I’ve lately been thinking about how the world deals with criminals, the prison system, and the possibility of operating it similar to a monastic order; whether that’s even feasible, and if so, how much further could it go in truly rehabilitating criminals, or at least redeeming them in some way if release back into society is not an option. Right now, prisons seem to operate not much differently than the mad outside world, it’s just transferred into a fortified cage.
thank you for sharing this! I relate to feeling the irony of life. I too, never thought I'd be writing so charitably of cults -- or of Catholicism, even two years ago. Good things happen though when you open yourself up to the mystery of God, and when I realized, though my travels, that I could find nothing better among those who abandoned tradition.
What a fantastic piece of writing to stumble across... thank you for what you do. A rare perspective (at least publicly) to find these days.
I was born in a large commune in NZ and the most difficult part for me growing up was the stigma, fear, and complete lack of understanding from the general culture. I don't think things are ever as black or white as people would like them to be.
Honestly your writing is deeply refreshing and it touches a place in me longing to be understood by the 'normal' world... I deeply treasure the gifts I have been given from my upbringing and have found myself grieving what I had that feels missing now.
I’m so glad you could find this essay encouraging . . . I too am encouraged by those like you. It can feel very isolating and lonely when you feel you’re the only one raised as we were, especially when we don’t feel attracted completely to the answers of the world!
Let me paint a picture for you, then tell you why...
This morning around 6:00, I read your post and began to contemplate just why I/we left one of the groups you talked about. I packed lunches for 3 people who must leave the house today, got breakfast ready and made coffee. Around 7 my 8 year old came down the stairs coughing, from allergy induced asthma, so I gave him a few puffs from his inhaler then we cuddled under a blanket on the couch talking about when it will snow, museums we want to go to and his latest book he's reading. Then my 17 year old's alarm went off and he slowly came down the stairs, grabbed his breakfast, lunch, and coffee, and headed out the door, driving to work in an old truck he just finished fixing up and got on the road last week. As he was leaving, my 20 year old's alarm was sounding. Soon she will groggily come down the stairs, getting ready for her day consisting of many things including Irish dance practice and a Shakespeare class at the local State University where she is a senior English major. The rest of us will begin our school day around 8:30. This afternoon some will attend music lessons at a local community organization while the rest grab some new books from the library. Tonight we will eat home made pizza and probably play a game or read the next chapter in our Read-aloud books. Some nights we watch a movie together.
Why do I give you my daily run-down? Because we could do almost NONE of these things if we were still members of the group. From cuddling on the sofa to attending University - there is a price for community.
BUT there is an empty, lonely hole in my heart that has never been filled since leaving the group. A lost sisterhood that brings me to tears many days out of a month. The culture at large cannot give me back the deep conversations and connections I once had. So I understand why people remain. But having children made it impossible to stay.
I don't know what group you left, but you paint a real picture - there are those who stay in their groups determining that what you value is of no importance to them, and their children remain because they learn to take pride in creating of repairing things other than trucks, and in singing other sorts of songs or dancing other sorts of dances,, and medicine and health may be approached differently, but they decide, that in those ways, too, they have made the right sacrifices for the bubble they've chosen. Their meaning in the everyday is not altered or defined by education or sports or comforts. There is a joy and peace in that, for many I think. At the close of the day, what some do for their children, others will do the very opposite for their children, but with equal intention and sincerity. And that's when it's not really a matter of choosing "right or wrong" but of choosing the aesthetics that best match your soul. This is why traditional Catholicism has become soooo appealing to me. It's everything I've ever loved about every community and "cult" all mixed together, with a lot more freedom to cuddle your children (though many of the Amish also cuddle their children!!).
We were with the Jim Roberts/Brethren/Brothers & Sisters, etc...group.
We began traveling with them when our 6th child was a baby, so my perspective is probably a little different from some. The continuous presence of others in the same house means private family moments were rare and others were constantly adding their advice or rules to our own. So yes, having your own home like the Amish would make the family life aspect much different.
they're one of my favorite groups - I've traveled with them a lot! One of my best friends was raised in their group, and we just spent time with Kishiah while on a n Amtrak layover. However, I think they are better suited to embracing a monastic way of life, and I think they will be forced to choose it at some point if they want to remain a group.
Ah, Kishiah...when someone mentions his name everyone in our family smiles and lets out a small sigh, like we're all mentally sending him a group hug. Good memories of that brother.
I guess another thought is that I want my adult children to be able to choose freely the course of their life and how they will follow after God and not feel like they have to do it in rebellion or with my disapproval. As you did - choosing your beliefs, your husband and his beliefs and living in the freedom of that choice. I can embrace many walks of faith different from mine, but can they all embrace me?
yes, it's a fair concern -- one that requires some balance! While I appreciate our "freedom of religion" I don't think it's actually done society very much good, and at the end of the day, none of us understand it as much as those who made it possible for us meant for us to understand it. Very few of us actually risk death because of our faith, and we can always find someone who will validate us no matterr what choice we make. At the end of the day, I want to give my children something they won't depart from, not a choice, per say, but something that is so strong that they feel no choice but to remain adamantly steadfast, loyal, and faithful to it -- the hope is out of love, not fear, though. All the same, I do want to "eliminate" the choice, to a degree and to make less room for ego and more room for God. Naturally I want them to be strong enough though to leave it if it is my will and not God's, and for God to grant them discernment if I entangle them unwisely.
As someone who has survived sexual abuse in a religious context (Catholic, got assaulted by a priest), and is still a member of that group...
The reason I've stayed is because the center of the religion is true. The people who abuse and cover it up are acting contrary to what that religion actually teaches, and, according to the beliefs of our group, will have to account for it some day. I think as far as sex scandals go, that's the real litmus test -- does the belief system itself say that's ok? Is it centered around a charismatic "prophet" or individual that can do no wrong (thinking of the Heavens Gate group or Jim Jones)? Or is it based on a common understanding of the truth? If the latter, does that understanding itself still hold up?
I will say there are times I fear for the safety of my children-- I don't trust the hierarchy to actually address abuse by its leaders. It's been covered up too many times. And I know Catholics who love their faith and still want to be Catholic, but have literal panic attacks when they walk into a church because it reminds them of very real suffering they've undergone . That sort of sin, like anywhere else, deeply wounds the community, and it's deeply frustrating when the faith leaders look the other way.
But yes...you have to look at what a group/belief system believes and condones to judge it, not as much at what its members do.
I wanted to add that for a lot of Catholics (at least in the world of survivors) the number of priests abusing isn't so much the problem as the Bishops turning a blind eye to it, reassigning abusive priests instead of removing them from ministry, and treating survivors that come forward primarily as legal liabilities rather than as people who need help. Most survivors of clerical/religious sexual abuse who leave do so only after having to deal with the bishops office and seeing how their case is (mis) handled.
I don't know if it's the same in these other groups. But I did want to mention in the cases I'm familiar with, it's not so much a numbers thing as a management one.
I would think this issue would be the same in schools and universities - nobody wants to deal with a scandal or liability or law suits! A small town school in Montana just has a huge controversy with a high school teacher who skipped town after it was discovered suddenly he was a pedo and had been enabled by the school board for maybe years. Very small school - everyone knew each other. One of my husband's uncles also says that when his daughters attend college they should attend a place that has a high rate of rape, because, he says, all universities have rape, but the ones with the high numbers are likely the one reporting it, whereas the others might just be shoving it under the rug.
I really respect your mindset on this. I feel it takes a lot of courage to acknowledge the church's brokenness while remaining subjected to its authority. We are too quick as a society to dismiss the good we have when it disapoints or pains us. But I do believe God has given us church and our community, to love, for better or worse. And there's just no option for divorce.
That's a big part of why I'm still here. But I also don't feel like I can judge those who leave...those wounds run very, very deep, and it can feel like more than your body was violated.
Interesting and insightful article! I really appreciate your perspective on this.
Two notes:
One reason for the fascination with and misunderstanding of cults is probably the voyeuristic desire to believe that horrors exist. It's so much easier to imagine the absolute worst of someone and then make it even more salacious, which I've seen often in portrayals of cults in the media.
Secondly, I think that some confusion might exist between cults of personality (dynamic leaders who carry astray a flock of believers simply for their own gain) and more genuine spiritual communities (which you're talking about here). This idea is nebulous, though, and I'll have to think about it more.
I actually was writing about both types of Christian groups and cults -- all of these groups had a magnanimous, dynamic leader and swept up large groups of people: Jacob Ammon for the Amish, Jim Roberts for the Jim Roberts group, Elbert Eugene Spriggs Jr for the Twelve Tribes, Joseph Smith for the Mormons, Menno Simons for the Mennonites. The list could go on ... however, does it mean anything if a dynamic man moves a group of people to radical living? What is the difference between these men (or woman, I.e. Ellen G. White for the Seventh Day Adventists) and John Calvin for the Calvinist, Martin Luther for the Lutherans, John Wesley for Methodism, or Billly Graham who is accredited as responsible for a lot of our parents or grandparents conversions. Of course every single one of these groups from the Jim Roberts (they do not identify under that man's name, it's their wiki page name) to the Methodists claim the do not follow the man who lead them to walk closer with Christ, that these men were simply inspired of God.Really, as I type this out the only religions denomination that is not centered around any man (honestly speaking) is Catholicism. However, many Christians still think of it as a cult because of the pope -- and yet the pope changes and is hardly relevant for most Catholics lives, while all the rest of denominations will continue to loyaly quote the founders. If nothing else, it is all good things to think about!
Yes, it's certainly interesting to think about! I haven't studied cults deeply, but the subject fascinates me and I really appreciate the different perspective you bring to it.
Im in tears. I lived on many communes in NZ that were classed as cults, but only by people who left in shame, or by people who never bothered to get to know us.
At 22 I became very religious and had to move to three countries before settling in the USA that at least has some Religious tolerance. 1000X more than NZ, Canada and Australia.
A big reason for searching out a place to live was trying to find a modicum of just baseline tolerance.
I cant even talk about my faith to many I meet. Your Substack is like a fresh rain :)
Thankyou so much for writing that!
thank you! I'm glad you found comfort in this!
We left the Mennonites, not because we couldn't stay, but because we wanted some teaching we couldn't get there at that that time. That feels like a very important point.
I love my family that stayed, and my friends and in a lot of ways I'm not sure I ever really left. After all, how can you "leave" something that literally shaped you?
On the other hand, sometimes while I am talking with them, I realize how differently I see the world, now.
But I'm grateful I grew up that way and I hope I do as good a job with my kids as my parents did with me.
This is such a minor point in a piece with a lot of really good points, but I'm really glad I'm not the only one who feels the same way about dogs as pets. To my mind, dogs are working animals and are happiest and healthiest when they have a job to do and are trained to do it, and have the space to not constantly be stressed by other dogs infringing on what they see as their territory. This is a very uncool opinion, I have gathered, but I have not yet been persuaded otherwise.
I grew up a secular normie and am now a traditional Catholic, which a lot of folks including my family members regard as a cult in the secular sense (it has a specific, positive meaning in the Catholic world as devotion to a particular saint, so that distinction can be kind of fun.) I do get annoyed sometimes by groupthink or unofficial rules that aren't really rules, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons, and they're the kind of things that can and do get renegotiated over time. The things that my secular relatives think are the worst about my life tend to be the things I like best - neighborliness, hard work, lots of kids who don't have to grow up too soon. There's an understanding, too, that of course some of the rules are arbitrary. But not having a rule or common understanding would be worse.
These may be the stats you meant to include for male and female violence: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men#:~:text=Rates%20of%20female%2Dperpetrated%20violence,21.6%25).
Ohh! I had some stats pulled up but forgot to include them ;p I don't think it was these, but they work all the same
Great post. It got me thinking about my own worldview and the drastic change that has taken place, not only in the past decade but even within the past three years. Though I spent many years studying various religious traditions, I always kept them at arm's length, even feeling "above all traditions," as Seraphim Rose admitted about himself when he was a wandering and seeking young man before finally joining the Orthodox Church. I recall this Polish film I saw some years ago, about a young woman on the verge of taking monastic vows in the Catholic Church, then some deep revelations about her family and past leave her with doubts; she briefly gets sidetracked into dabbling in a more worldly life but ultimately decides to take her vows, or that’s what is suggested as the story winds down. I remember feeling disappointed that she didn't embrace her newfound "adventurous" life. If I was seeing that movie for the first time now, I would be rooting for her to take those vows. It’s a little humorous twist in my life that I never would’ve expected a few years ago, and especially not when I first saw that movie.
I’ve grappled with that same hesitation, as shown in the movie, and what you talked about in your post. On this little Orthodox journey of mine, I’ve poured over exorthodox posts on Reddit, trying to separate the overdramatic from the true cases of trauma. In the end, I realized that these bad experiences don’t negate the truth and beauty of the true Spirit and Tradition therein, whether it be Orthodox or any other religion. Despite any higher origins, all religions, movements, etc., are peopled with fallible humans. Not long after all that soul searching, I came across a great quote from an Orthodox convert that further put it all into perspective: “Sooner or later you will meet someone who is a living saint and someone who is demonically deluded. You will encounter the uncreated light and the utter darkness of sin. You will encounter the beauty of the divine and the twisted ugliness of evil. You will be drawn to holiness and you will be disgusted by ungodliness. You will love truth and hear lies. You will find peace and you will find spiritual warfare. But there is nothing new under the sun.”
* * *
I remember watching the drama with the Davidians unfold on television throughout that stand-off. My teacher let my class watch when it finally all went up in flames. As I think about it now, I think that was a significant reveal for the Democrats, the supposed party of the little man, of tolerance, showing their true colors. Was it ever proven that child abuse was happening amongst them? I don’t really recall. I just remember them as religious eccentrics.
* * *
“Meanwhile the secular world has no offer of redemption, and just as often no true vindication.”
This is profound and really stood out to me. I’ve lately been thinking about how the world deals with criminals, the prison system, and the possibility of operating it similar to a monastic order; whether that’s even feasible, and if so, how much further could it go in truly rehabilitating criminals, or at least redeeming them in some way if release back into society is not an option. Right now, prisons seem to operate not much differently than the mad outside world, it’s just transferred into a fortified cage.
* * *
Your second reason reminded me of this article I just read last night: http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/headcoverings.aspx
thank you for sharing this! I relate to feeling the irony of life. I too, never thought I'd be writing so charitably of cults -- or of Catholicism, even two years ago. Good things happen though when you open yourself up to the mystery of God, and when I realized, though my travels, that I could find nothing better among those who abandoned tradition.
Loved this. Great point that society hates them because of its rejection of culture. Lots to sit with!
What a fantastic piece of writing to stumble across... thank you for what you do. A rare perspective (at least publicly) to find these days.
I was born in a large commune in NZ and the most difficult part for me growing up was the stigma, fear, and complete lack of understanding from the general culture. I don't think things are ever as black or white as people would like them to be.
Honestly your writing is deeply refreshing and it touches a place in me longing to be understood by the 'normal' world... I deeply treasure the gifts I have been given from my upbringing and have found myself grieving what I had that feels missing now.
I’m so glad you could find this essay encouraging . . . I too am encouraged by those like you. It can feel very isolating and lonely when you feel you’re the only one raised as we were, especially when we don’t feel attracted completely to the answers of the world!